As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, I have a practically debilitating need for affection. I think it may be a common affliction. But it is truly can be debilitating for me at times, because I have often found myself shaping my life around praise and attention.
Now what kind of life is that? Not only does it stop you from living your true life, but it also sets you up for disappointment. No matter what, you will never be satisfied. In my experience, I would never feel good enough. I would always feel like an intrusion… someone pushing myself into someone’s life when I’m not wanted. That kind of self-doubt is painful and, really, it just isn’t pretty!
And besides you don’t know what you truly mean to other people. For example, there are a few people in my life right now who I admire deeply, care about passionately and want desperately to keep in my life. I thought that I was a nuisance. I thought that these people didn’t know who I was, or at the very best would be annoyed at my presence. Well, I’m sure persistent one-sided attention is never fun, so I tried my hardest to back away. And I was rewarded with surprising news: not only did all of these people know who I am, but the ones who I know in person care about me more than I had previously imagined. The response to my recent Turbo in Europe video showed me that. Here are some responses that surprised the hell out of me:
“I’m so proud of you!”
“Doesn’t Emily just put the BIGGEST smile on your face????”
“What if this girl hadn’t been here to do this…our world would have missed out on this courageous woman who conquered her fears to become a new person”
“Here’s one of my favorite people on the planet…”
Look at all of that love! That is an outpouring of love and support from people whom I admire and cherish. After overcoming long periods of depression and self-doubt, I am now starting to grow comfortable with the fact that I make people smile and that when I love and appreciate people deeply, there is a decent chance that the feeling is mutual. It is very new for me to accept this. I’ve always seen myself as the lover and not the loved. It’s time to change that.